Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I can't let him see that I'm scared. I have to be a good boy and he doesn't like it when I'm scared. Look at my tail wagging, Mr. Vance. I'm happy to be here.

"Getting excited, are we? Go on then. Help them out with a little distraction."  

Oh no, he wants me to go closer to all those guns. Be a good boy be a good boy.

So loud. They're all yelling and shooting and it's hurting my ears and wish it would stop. I can feel my heart beating faster. I don't like that. Stay in the shadows stay in the shadows.

I can smell them. Five different people. Men. Sweat, gunpowder, blood.

Be a monster.

Their eyes can't see in the dark. I'm safe as long as I keep moving. They'll shoot at the spot the noise came from but I won't be there anymore so I'm safe.

"¿Qué es eso?"

"¡Sonaba como el diablo!"

That was close. Be careful be careful. I'm scared but they are too and that means that they won't shoot as well so I'm safe.

Go to the window go to the window. Be scared of my voice. Go.

Mr. Vance's men are so good at shooting. He will be very happy with them and call them good boys now. The ones who talk weird are dead but I don't have to think about it because I am a good boy and Mr. Vance will be happy with me and call me a good boy.

Wag and pant and whine. Please pay attention to me and say what a good boy I was.

Oh, you guys found some money. Everyone wants money so much and it must be good but it is not for me because Mr. Vance never gives me any.

Oh hi oh hi look what I did! I did a good job didn't I?

"This is all we found."

"That's fine. It's more about sending a message, really. Yes, Dog, I see you there. Good boy."
Music prompt for :iconyouasthenarrator: Piece: Final Fantasy IX: Kuja Theme - Millennium Version [link]

Characters-
Dog, the amnesiatic shapeshifter
Samuel Vance, the crime lord [link]

Vance’s men trap a few members of a rival gang in an old building, and it is Dog’s job to distract them to make the shootout end quicker.

Decided it was finally time to try a music prompt. I’ve heard many people say that music inspires them while they write, but I’ve never tried to use it as the basis for a piece.
When I heard this music the first thing that came to mind was a tense feeling before a battle. I needed to try my hand at writing first person from Dog’s POV, so here I imagined his nervousness as he puts his life on the line to serve his master.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconalecwolfe:
AlecWolfe Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010
Interesting. The POV is a nice change from the norm. I like the one track mind idea. This was really quick and easy to read. Great piece and congrats on the DLD.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. =)
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconkitri-du-lac:
Kitri-du-Lac Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010
It is difficult to give a narrative voice to an animal, without loosing the sense of the creature. In this short story, you manage to create that voice well, finding the balance between characterisation and informative voice.

~Rovanna suggested this piece to me and I have decided to suggest this to *DailyLitDeviations. If chosen your piece will feature in one of their daily newsletters. Good luck!

It would be appreciated if you would take the time to send me a note with a link to any prose pieces, by any other deviants, that you feel deserve to be featured. :)
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad you enjoyed it. I always like to be able to entertain by creating unique voices for characters. =)
Reply
:iconalphabeticalmisery:
AlphabeticalMisery Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010
Oh wow. I really went through this quickly. I liked how Dog (his name is Dog?) kept wanting to be called a good boy. :meow: It seems very much like an animal. I like it.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. =)
Dog is not his real name. It was given to him by his master Vance after he was brainwashed to be his slave. He is a shapeshifter, so it is secretly demeaning because it emphasizes his canine side.
Reply
:iconcu-sith1:
Cu-Sith1 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Dog is so cute, I love his personality, as simple as it is =D I like the repeition and the wya his mind is constantly flipping from onething to another, very dog-like.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. =)
Reply
:iconcu-sith1:
Cu-Sith1 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconiammeiamfree:
iammeiamfree Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2010
I like that this was very easy to pay attention to.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. =)
Reply
:iconmackwrites:
mackwrites Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2010
This is very well done, I'll mention what others said and say I liked the "good boy" repetition. :)
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. =D
Reply
:iconrovanna:
Rovanna Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010   Digital Artist
That's a really cool idea writing from a dog's perspective. It really sounds like a dog too, how his attention flips from one thing to another.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. =)
Reply
:iconbangbangrevolution:
bangbangrevolution Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010
Echoing the sentiment of how strong the voice is, this is a very enjoyable read! I love the repetitions here, and I wouldn't mind seeing a longer piece told from Dog's point of view.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I’ll think about it if another prompt catches my interest. =)
Reply
:iconthornyenglishrose:
ThornyEnglishRose Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Writing with the voice of an animal is extremely tricky, especially if you're not going to humanise it in any way - which you haven't, apart from the use of English (which of course is just a translation so that we will understand). You could easily have come unstuck, but you didn't. This works really well. In fact the voice is so strong, I'd like to see you do something like this without ever mentioning the word 'dog' or anything obvious like wagging tails. The repetition of 'good boy' works brilliantly. Dogs just love praise, don't they?
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad you like it. =) I did try to focus more on the canine aspect of his thoughts, but there is some human thought in there as well due to the fact that he is a shapeshifter. For example, I don’t think a dog would have a word for money. I imagine they would call it something like “that stuff that so many humans have touched I can’t count them.” :lol:

I think I did write something that was kind of what you describe, called Gold and Black Death [link] Wow, I can’t believe that’s over a year old. But yeah, I see what you mean about making it more ambiguous by not mentioning anatomy.
Reply
:iconmeasthenarrator:
MeAsTheNarrator Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Dog is so interesting. His innocence and wanting to please his master is what any dog would want to do. I really enjoy the first person approach you gave this story its nice to dive in to Dog's mind and see how he things... lol i bet all dogs repeat the same things over and over again and coach themselves into being good animals and actually getting a job done correctly.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. I do like writing from his perspective, but it is too scatterbrained to use for the main story. :lol:
Reply
:iconmeasthenarrator:
MeAsTheNarrator Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
im waiting for the "SQUIRREL.............................." technique lol
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha I never even thought about that. :lol:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconleonca: More from Leonca


Featured in Collections

My Favorite Literature by RunningBear5858

Literature by mackwrites

Prose by ThornyEnglishRose


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 19, 2010
File Size
1.9 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
991 (1 today)
Favourites
9 (who?)
Comments
24
×