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:iconleonca: More from Leonca


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Poetry by 91816119




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May 26, 2013
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Dearest Marie, I have returned.
No more the poor man whom you spurned,
Though poorer looking, your love I earned.
Please stop staring at my teeth.

Lovely woman with gentle hands,
Think not of savage New World lands.
No one in this village understands.
And please stop staring at my teeth.

The cold leaves me distressed
And yet I labor without rest.
How could you be further blessed?
So stop staring at my teeth.

They are different, as am I,
But do not bother asking why.
Just go make me a pie,
And stop staring at my teeth!

Greedy woman, do not take
The choicest morsels that you bake
For this Hunger makes me shake.
Oh please, stop staring at my teeth.

My sweet, I urge you to dismiss
The copper tang left by my kiss.
It was no one you would miss,
So why keep staring at my teeth?

An alternate universe “what if” scenario where Jacques remains in control after falling under the wendigo curse.

:iconthewrittenrevolution: : Are there enough details to suggest a story for what happened to the man before he is reunited with the woman?

Are the fantasy elements clear, or difficult to identify?

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:iconnutcase9:
Nutcase9 Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Student General Artist
Sounds like maybe spirit and host have merged, since it seems like Prankster's sense of humor.
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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
:bulletblack: Are there enough details to suggest a story for what happened to the man before he is reunited with the woman?
I got inklings, though not really precise ones; I doubt we need to be told the full backstory though, as the focus seems rather to be on the present, the relationship with the wife and the creeping macabre elements, which is always best left with some ambiguity.

:bulletblack: Are the fantasy elements clear, or difficult to identify?
"savage New World lands" and the hunger references made me think of the wendigo before I got to the artist's comment, though I honestly have no idea how well-known that legend is and how easy it would be to spot the reference without having it explained afterwards. You get to feel the supernatural more in the general atmosphere than in specific details, it builds up stanza by stanza and the simple rhyming lends it a fairy-tale feel.

Now for more generic commentary, I like how the rhymes gives it a lilting pace and I definitely think they enhance the growing horror element, while keeping it somewhat toned down, everyday-like. I think there are a couple lines that are very much on the explanatory side rather than on the showing, and they could be tinkered with: for example, no one in this village understands, it feels just really filler-ish and just there to make the rhyme, or They are different, as am I - different how? A more concrete hint here, perhaps with just a change of adjective, would make the whole monster deal clearer and the image more vivid.
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:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Thanks for giving me some details to think about improving. I’m always glad when someone can guess the myth before I reveal it. =)

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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
Glad that they're useful to you, and you're welcome! : D
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here dailylitdeviations.deviantart.…

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.



Keep writing and keep creating.

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:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much. =D
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:iconthetinkerthinker:
TheTinkerThinker Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013
For a moment I thought Prankster was being unusually eloquent, or got his hands on a thesaurus/dictionary :P

The 'what if' scenario seems to dive out of comedy into genuine horror, though.
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:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That would be a strange turn for him indeed. :XD: Hopefully not too confusing when I experiment like this.

Good. =D I have moved so far towards funny that it is fun to return to scary every once and a while.
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:iconthetinkerthinker:
TheTinkerThinker Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013
Oddly enough, I wouldn't put it past his weirdness.

Hmmm, I've yet to see any wendigoes of yours that are completely in horror territory. Must be Prankster rubbing off.
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:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
They might seem less scary since we usually see things from his POV, and everyone else tends to act a little off when he’s around.
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